And I feel that I must confess...

Who says people change?

2006-12-26T12:00:07Z

I -need- to stop staying up so late. All it does is gets me depressed.

... It's nights like these when I wish I could talk to him and he could lull me to sleep. He fell asleep hours ago though u_u

Reading his old blog doesn't help. It makes me just feel like I'm farther away from everyone, somehow.

Question for self: Do people ever really change? Really?

Sigh

2006-12-20T07:30:33Z

The idea that I'm obstructing people from showing their real emotions due to my "appearance" on Live Journal as well as other places ultimately just makes me want to go to some isolated blogging spot and hang there and never come out. Same with Gaia, DeviantArt, AIM... practically EVERYTHING. I'm so tired of it. If anything, I like listening to the truth.

In other words, I'm tired of everyone holding in what they feel. Not out to change the world, but just trying to get through life without feeling like people are talking behind my back or thinking to themselves incorrect judgements instead of just putting it out there. It makes me feel like the only way I'd ever hear a God-honest opinion of me and the things I do (OR ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD) is if I were dead and people were talking at my funeral, and even then I know the truth wouldn't come out. I'd rather people think I'm not around and spread their real thoughts than to be around and feel this... weird anxiety. It's really annoying! I know I can't force such things, and I'm really not trying to change anything, but I thought that was just something everyone learned as kids - to have honesty as the best policy.

Also in other words - online hermit-i-tude sounds like a good plan to make everyone else happy. JOY. x] And yes, I just made up the word "hermit-i-tude".

Just one more try... God, what happened to "honesty is the best policy" and "faith is love"? Maybe I'm just naiive here, but I thought those were, you know, important.

And my last turn: EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO. EMO. D;

... I need sleep again.

This week's gonna be a long week before winter break.

Note to self: Cursing won't make the week go faster.

I -have- to stop torturing myself.

2006-12-16T08:34:43Z

I HATE HATE HATE how I keep doing this.

I keep torturing myself, by thinking about what's going on with so and so NUMBER. (if you don't understand the number reference see previous post) I can't seem to stop. It's really abundant in the middle of the night when there's no one to talk to.

Things I torture myself with usually include...

Why does number 7's exgirlfriend have to be so pretty when he's such a freakin' jerk?

Why does number 5 have to be such a good musician?

Why does number 8's life make me feel guilty even though I had nothing to do with it (so it seems)?

Why did number 7.5 (another guy for another time) have to be so wonderfully nice but so far away?

Why did number 8.5 (another story as well) have to give me such headaches before but now causes heartaches?

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

...Winter Ball is tommorrow. = = Must think about dancing. Or dressing up really pretty. Or taking pictures. OR SOMETHING.

Maybe if I stop the screaming in my head I can temporarily be normal again. (Well, normal for me, but you [whomever reads this] understand [hopefully].)

Wait, no. Not just maybe. I NEED to STOP the SCREAMING in my head. And soon.

A day of numbers

2006-12-13T05:50:53Z

Today is a day of numbers. Not just ordinary numbers. Number of exboyfriends. Because half the time I realise healing deals with, well, basically not mentioning certain people's names, I started numbering my boyfriends and exboyfriends.

This is what happened today.

-I expected fear from ex number 7 (Lance) on Gaia. Didn't get any. Oh well. :'D
-Bumped into ex number 3 (David) at lunch. He didn't recognise me. Thank God.
-Read blog ex number 5 (Alex) before buying winter ball dress. Wondered about why life is so weird and people who you feel were meant for you aren't.
-Thought of ex number 8 (James) in first, while learning the difference between "tuyo" and "tus"
-Made ex/current number 6 (Derek) wait while doing homework.

3, 5, 6, 7, 8.

Gee, what a lovely set.

Thoughts about 3 - Nope. I don't really care. He and I broke up 'cause he wasn't mature enough, and you know, now that I'm older, that's okay. It's kind of sad though that this was the case when he's older than me, and I was... 12, around that time.

Thoughts about 5 - Reading back, I feel so immature about how I acted. And I want to visit England so badly again... not because of the idea of having another overseas romance (To be blunt, I always found that Melody was better for him than me anyway - I wasn't so much of a great soul mate), but because Alex meant so much to me, during the relationship and afterwards.

Although, the honest thought is, is that if I ever had the chance to be with Alex again, I really am curious to know how it'd be... I'm so much more mature now, and I know so much more now, but would I just be a failure again?

Pity people don't get a second chance. Blarg.

Thoughts about 6 - So much stuff about him... I wish I could stop accusing him of lying. But I still love him, so much. And he and I may be having our difficulties (Ugh, reminders of last weekend's fight is still lingering) but at least we're sorting it out. And at least our relationship has ended up being my most successful one.

...God, it's almost been three years since he and I met! So many memories, good and bad. I just hope the good outweigh the bad now, and that this love doesn't change.

Thoughts about 7 - Go die in a ditch, kthx? :3

Thoughts about 8 - Too early for me to talk like that. But I wonder, ya know?

What bothers me so much though is that with this initial set of numbers, they all kept promises and really, it was when I started believing that each guy that I dated within this initial set was "the one" - the one I'd marry, live with, grow old with, sex up and have kids, etc. etc. etc.

And all that ended up happening when we broke up was incredible disappointment.

This has consumed... uhm, maybe 6 years of my life now?

Something tells me in this life time that finding a real soul mate will be difficult.

How incredibly bothersome...

Tu es el estupido de mi vida.

2006-12-12T06:51:23Z

Lance H. (12/6/2006 9:22:44 PM): Uh, hey look. I thikn it's about time to just break the tie between us. I'm mean, I did my best to be nice, and well you still hold grudges... and well you don't really talk to me. So I guess it's just about time to say good bye. It was a good run while it lasted. Have a good one.

Yeah, thanks for ruining my life! I mean, why else would I, you know, hate your guts? I mean, I MUST have a good reason for hating you when you tried to turn every friend you could get your hands on to go against me, and when you lied to me CONSECUTIVELY for months on end in some sort of demented way to get me back.

...Have a good one too, you idiot. :'D I bet you'll try to "apologise" to me in about three months, so do me a favor and leave me alone for good this time.

I'm not really mad or depressed at this, I just find him so... pathetic. How the hell did I fall inlove with such an absolute moron?

Sigh.

I just hope James never does anything like that. I have enough moronic ex-boyfriends in my life most of the time.

At least the only current ex-boyfriend in my life is Derek, and he's changed enough so that when we fight he's mature enough to want to talk it out.

I need to sleep.

Why?

2006-11-30T07:48:41Z

How come lately I'm so depressed?

I really don't get this. It's like, I'll be fine most of the time, but there are times at night, late into the night when I'm usually working on an essay (Putting off Huck Finn - Gawsh darn it, that silly Mark Twain!) where I start thinking about crap. Crap like how Melody wasn't the only one who drifted off and isn't quite as close as we used to be. How even though James and I broke up months and months ago, he still pops up in my head in the most inconvinient times, like when I think I'm truly fine without him. How sometimes I wonder if Derek is going to break my heart again, even though I try so hard to trust him. How I haven't had good friends really stick by me since who knows when. How I can't really talk to anyone about how stressed out and tired and depressed I feel 'cause everyone's trying to get on with their life.

Why do I have to be the difficult one and show everything I feel? I mean, I know letting your emotions out and dealing with them as they go is much stronger than just shoving them away in a bottle and I know that now. But does it have to hurt so much?

No matter what age I am, I always feel like I'm the only one around me who dares to show any real emotion, anything that's truly and honestly pure. It's just that simple for me - when I'm happy, I'm happy. When I'm sad, I'm sad. I don't understand how others push their feelings aside, but it's so hard for me to feel like I can succeed in life without that trait for some reason.

It sucks really bad though. I am rarely depressed or angry at the actions of others; infact, I am mostly depressed because I am upset with the way I am. I am often upset with myself, and I suppose it's from a lack of self-acceptance. These last few nights I find myself trying to distract myself from writing my papers because I just end become a mess of tears while I start at my digital notepad, and many of the time the reason why I cry is because I'm not happy with myself.

It's frustrating, not to mention it's preventing me from finishing my homework when it should be done.

Such a hopeless feeling...

Someone please hand me my lameness award~

2006-10-13T05:12:08Z

There was a bomb search today at school, on a what seemed to be a very boring Thursday. We ended up on the news. I don't think anyone really payed attention to the whole part about the bomb when that happened, because mostly I kept hearing, "OMG WE'RE ON TV!!"

...But that's not the point of this!

Monday: Possible dance class (Jayvee, Arthur Murray, etc... must decide on a dance studio!)
Tuesday: Ditto Monday
Wednesday: EmpoWord (if I get in)
Thursday: Pride Alliance
Thursday: Drama Club
Friday: Otaku Anime Club (if I get in)
Somewhere in there: Future part time job
Also somewhere in there: Art stuffs (commissions, own stuff, etc.)
And again somewhere in there: Sewing time for cosplays and crap
And AGAIN in there: School
And once more with feeling: Homework and free time

... Godddddd.

I'm busy. And getting busier!

I kinda like it though.

It makes up for my lack of activities in the past two years. Other than dating guys. And it's kind of sad that now I've lost even number eight... yeah, James and I broke up a little more than a week ago.

In other news, I finally found my tablet pen, so I can finally start drawing again! @#$%^, no one has any clue how relieved I am to be able to draw on the computer again. Although, to be honest, I've been spending most of the online time that I have (which is very little) usually IMing or on Gaia or looking at shiny art or playing Trickster with Derek. Which is really fun! I'm a lot faster levelling this character than I was with my last. It's really kind of odd. Instead of taking weeks on getting to level 10 I got there in less than four hours of gameplay. Weird.

Speaking of games, I got hooked onto Pokemon again! I swear, that addiction just NEVER dies! I don't think it will die this time either x.x But I really want Mystery Dungeon: Red Rescue Team nowwwww. Must get ittttttt!!

...Anyway, in conclusion, life is weird, I'm busy, and someone should hand me my lameness award now. n.n ♥

I'm sorry, those very few readers I have.

2006-09-27T06:18:51Z

MOSTLY DIRECTED AT FINNI/DISTORT FACADE/LANIE/WHOMEVER:

I'm sorry I'm not gonna be able to finish my Digimon FDD site, post in distort_facade or gaiaonline, reply to comments in VARIOUS journals, do any reading, etc. etc. ET CETERA. @#$%^! I'm busy up to my ears.

I now officially hate studying the Declaration of Independence, kthx. I LOVE what it did to this country, but jeez.

COSPLAY CRAP should start soon, yaaaaay~~~ I'm thinking about working on my Yuna (FFX) and/or Elena (FFVII) cosplay soon~ Turks for life! :'D

Mm'kay I'm done now x___x BACK TO WORK

I can never concentrate on my homework this late anymore.

2006-09-21T08:21:33Z

Freakin' internet connection hates me lately and won't let me get on half the time when I need it... It finally started working at midnight after TWO HOURS of trying to figure out what the hell was wrong. I mean, seriously - it overheats when I'm using it too MUCH, and it overheats when I use it too little... what the hell man @@ But now it's super hard to concentrate and I hate working on the Declaration of Independence at like 12:30 at night...

But I've been SO busy lately. So tired. So busy. Ugh. I mean, it's good busy, but weird, at the same time. I'm not used to going to school near home. I forgot how bad my back could get from walking home everyday @___@ Trying hard to get a 4.0... ugggh, kinda screwed myself over already though. Got a B on a Geometry test and I didn't write my homework down correctly for Geometry today either so screw it I'm stuck at 3.8-3.75 GPA like I usually do. Oh well.

Let's see... three things on my mind right now that I really wanna rant about today...

1) Why I love being like a guy
2) Why do I attract people
and
3) Why do guys who are attractive have to be in my life lately??

Explainations...

I like acting like a guy. Not as much with dressing as one, although it's fun and I'm not suprised half the people at school think I'm a guy if they don't look closely enough, especially with my new super short haircut that is awesome for cosplaying with (What was the most fun about it so far was picking it out of the Japanese Male Hairstyle magazine and showing it to the barber). But acting like a guy tends to make me laid back and lax; which is honestly in my opinion so much better than PMS-ing every moment of the day and acting overemotional about every little thing in the world.

*COUGHlikesomeonei'vebeenavoidingCOUGH*

But lately I've just been keeping up with a guy-ish mentality, which makes things cool, since the majority of the time I hang around guys (Derek, Maverick...), or around girls that I want to be protective of (Michelle, Charlene...), or somewhere inbetween feminine and tough (Lanie, Dusty...), so it all evens out.

Acting like a guy tends to tie in with why I apparently attract people though. I don't GET this - I feel like I'm an absolutely normal girl with nothing too different about me (physically anyway) except that I have an obsession with blue nail polish and I look very much like a guy. I mean, physically speaking, my face is really plain and I'm practically FLAT. Personality wise, I'm kind and sweet and I have a HELLUVA lot of kinks but other than that I seem "ordinary"... if not bizzarre...

So why is it that guys tend to like me?

Or to speak in general, why do PEOPLE like me so easily?

I talked to Maverick (a straight guy who had a crush on me in the seventh grade - totally flipped me out back then but that's besides the point since we're pretty good friends now) about this and apparently he said that there are three reasons why guys would like me - one, that I'm affectionate (makes sense - I really love hugs.), two, that I've got the mentality of a guy with the sensitivity of a girl, and three that I don't get crazy mood swings every three seconds and flip on a guy.

... I can't help but admit that mood swings really scare me. Especially since TECHNICALLY, I had "fun" with the experience of what it'd be like to have a girlfriend, and GOD - I was so emotionally exhausted every freakin' day because of Whitney. I mean, I'll deal with it, sure... but to have the instability of being able to deal with it yourself is painful. I am a big supporter of being able to deal with most problems in a relationship by helping, but not necessarily hoping that your significant other would be able to get rid of the problem on their own. I really like cooperation within problems, because it's much better than whining and expecting someone else to take the problem off of your hands. (The memory of when Whitney was depressed, and she literally asked me "Please, just say something to make me smile... make me feel better..." still kind of haunts me) Moodswings like that really scare me. Also, I now really understand guys when they seem so uneasy when women are angry; it's REALLY discomforting. It's unnerving how most women get away with it with an "I'm sorry" afterwards too, when the yelling and screaming is about something trivial. Whitney did that to me too... eventually I couldn't take it anymore and had to stay away from the computer for about a week to stop myself from feeling psychologically abused.

And I still don't have the courage to talk to her.

It's kind of sad though, she thinks I blocked her. She thinks that I BLOCKED her... It's kind of sad she thinks that because in my history of being online and on Instant Messengers I've never blocked anyone. OTHER people have blocked people for me (Dan), but not myself. I think I've blocked, with my own free will, like... three people. In the existance of my time on the internet, approximately 5 years, I have blocked three people.

But because she yelled at me almost every day that we had "meaningful" conversation (and she didn't just yell at me about what I did - she yelled at me about absolutely everything that was wrong in her life), or that she felt suicidal and I was never "there for her" because I'd get to the stress point where I'd be throwing up and having major headaches. I got really really freaked out because of this. I almost turned depressed and suicidal again MYSELF, because of being exposed to such negative energy and such a negative personality for so long. Because of that, I ignored the computer for about a week straight, and when I DID crawl back online to check messages and stuff while being invisible or online at times (like say now) where she wouldn't be online, I'd have to read her messages of "I'm sorry, I don't deserve you, I miss you, I hate myself right now, I'm going to go kill myself, I still love you". And then when I finally started coming back online a little more regularly, she assumed I blocked her and that I was "just like all the ex's" and that I abandoned her and whatnot.

Because of this mishap with my first "relationship" with a girl (Which wasn't very true, because I was mostly just trying to be a supportive friend but somewhere along the way I turned into a polygamous girlfriend), I'm STILL trying not to be depressed, after almost three weeks, and trying to clean up my language now too, because when she screamed at me she cursed a lot at me. I'm am absolutely oversensitive right now but I try not to let it effect me majorly when I do feel sad. I am truly scared of women who have mood swings now, the ability to just start screaming like that... etc.

I sympathise with men greatly now when it comes to relationships.

But anyway, back to the prior subject. I also asked Daniel (gay guy who hangs out with me at Pride Alliance and Otaku Club socials, and this little birdie knows that he has a crush on someone I know, teeheehee...) about this and he said while ADD-ing (note to self - phone calls with Daniel take hours because he forgets what he's talking about) it had something to do with being able to communicate with people with ease and compassion.

I think, anyway. He kept getting distracted by that shiny object in his room... (kinda like how I'm being distracted from my homework assignment, but who cares DX)

I guess I mostly just don't get it because ever since I became a romantic I've been all "Oh, I bet I'm not gonna have a boyfriend, I'm too plain and boring" and BOOM - I'm at number 8. I've hit number 8 after 5 years of dating. @_@ And Number 6, I've dated twice for like... a total of two years.

It's just weird. Really, really weird.

The last one on my mind is questionable because it depends on your viewpoint of "attractive"; but most of the guys around me are either really adorable looking (Ugggggh, those puppy dog eyes...) or they have such great personalities that their personality is attractive. Not saying I'm going AFTER any of these men, the only man in my life who I am strictly devoted to is James, who is everything I have ever really wanted. But it's like, jeez, all of you guys are so awesome in so many ways~! Then again I tend to rarely hate anyone around me because I try to be positive but seriously, everyone around me is just so sweet.

Kinda makes me wish I was single and dating several guys at once, haha. But that seems too messy and I bet I'd forget names all the time anyway, so I guess it's better that I only have one man.

That's about everything on my mind, I guess. I should go back to dumb-i-fying the declaration of independence.

How to disappear and never be found

2006-09-03T03:44:08Z

Disappeared.

Err, in the process of disappearing.

Going from a somebody to a nobody.

No, I'm not babbling off KH2 fandom nonsense. I'm kind of serious... if you know what I'm talking about. I'm not being some weird Namine fanatic.

I don't suppose I'll be back to being a somebody for a while, not until I find my "heart" again. I don't like this anymore, it hurts a little too much.

I want out of here. I don't want to be a somebody anymore... if this is what it's like. Having my feelings hurt all the time is tiresome. I'd rather be without a "heart" if this is what it's like.

I'll be back, someday. I promise I'll be back, safe and sound.

In chatspeak, I suppose you can just say I'm "bee arr bee"-ing.

If you catch onto what I'm really saying... I congratulate you. ♥

Am I throwing you off? Didn't think so.

2006-08-31T20:44:22Z

There are three things I hate as of recently, which is weird because if you know me well enough you'll realise I have very few dislikes that actually bother me to a large extent and where they continue bothering me no matter what. Dislikes just DON'T come to me very often... but these are my three major ones of recent.

Art block - Discovered it yesterday afternoon. I'm poor on Gaia AND I have an overdue list of commissions... 'Nuff said.

My foot falling asleep - doesn't this happen to EVERYONE who's online for more than an hour at a time? Ugh. I still remember the days where I'd IM someone and all the sudden midsentence, I'd be all

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!"

It drives me crazy, I swear.

Blackouts - I'm tired of these things! There was a blackout last night while I was typing midsentence. What REALLY pisses me off is that now, there's never a citywide blackout. IT'S ALWAYS OUR BLOCK. No one else's, just OURS. Just WHAT THE HELL Edison?!

What sucks more is that I have no cell phone so I'm usually bored while I'm trying to fall asleep... I spent last night attempting to draw in the dark with a flashlight (Wasn't a good idea) and then took a really cold bath contemplating a lot of things.

What sucks the MOST about this is that sometime around when I was in bed really bored, I wanted to talk to someone. Preferrably James, because I missed him because he just started school and I was bored out of my mind yesterday without him x_X It was like, 2 in the morning and I was listening to my iPod thinking about him and practically giving Rugby hell because there was nothing else to take my sadness out on.

When I wake up, this is what I find:

will_kill_for_anime (8/31/2006 1:50:33 AM): wimperr... ; ;

RIGHT AROUND THE SAME TIME. !!!

I hate blackouts SO bad. DX They make lonely nights lonelier.

Gyuuuu...

In other news, slowly getting back into Gaia, but I'm still staying here. :] Although sooner or later I might move back to Diaryland... for reasons that have to do with the fact that I'm crap with HTML here. @_@ Sigh.

Need to give stochasticgirl's dog Khodi a bath this afternoon and hope Friday comes faster. Friday = new temporary high, now that school's about to start.

... I need new userpics, too. *hunts down kh_icons*

[edit] found enough to feed my Namine freak-age 83

Journal crap

2006-08-28T22:54:52Z

So sooner or later I hope I say "screw this" to abusing my Gaia journal all the time and start posting in here. It's nicer and SO much less awkward =_= To be very sadly honest I go on Gaia very little now! It's depressing knowing that because I used to love Gaia but I think unless I make that freakin' guild already I'm not gonna have much fun on it for a while =_=

UHM UHM UHM what the hell was I gonna say?!

Oh right... thinking about making this an art journal with minor blab here and there. Either I'm thinking of staying here or I'll throwing all my stuff into a website that I'll make purely for doing an art journal with o_o I don't know though, I kind of don't mind having my personal stuff and my art stuff in the same place, especially since I haven't been very awkwardly personal about anything recently, so it's all good.

Anyway now I have to finish all those freakin' chibi art commissions that I promised... ugggh, why did I get myself into that in the first place?!

The next time someone asks me for chibi art I'm gonna tell them that it's 100k :]

Drawing is really boring...

2006-08-23T09:04:02Z

WARNING~ HUGE ENTRY D:

Been having fun drawing most of my summer away I realise xD

But the sad part is...

I DON'T FINISH CRAP.

I'M SERIOUS. EVERYTHING IS LEFT UNFINISHED. I USUALLY GIVE UP IN SOME WAY OR FORM.

sob.

EXAMPLES OF SUCH PATHETICNESS:

Exhibit A~ (WITH WAY TOO MANY ANATOMY ERRORS)!! Picture for my boyfriend for our 1 month. I gave up on doing the background, it was too hard. T_T

I gave it to him anyway though. sob.

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOREVER AND IT'S STILL NOT DONE. =_______= the background pisses me off, ALWAYS.

IT'S ALMOST DONE~!!! A wallpaper I did for him for two months :'D I tried making it his ACTUAL wallpaper size but my computer lagged TREMENDOUSLY when I tried that, lawl.

I missed the actual deadline of getting it finished by our anniversary, btw. fail'd.

And yes, I have a new character, Oukaeri Nasai. (Those who know Japanese are gonna be like, "wtf is with that name...?") The guy chara is Tadaima (Insert second "wtf is with that name" here). I felt like having some fresh characters aside from Bandit and Labbeh, who are SOOOO last month 8D

It kinda sucks though, that people still call me Labbeh, and I'm all "nuuuuu labbeh's old skewl now" but NO ONE LISTENS. sob. Oh well, that's what I get for having a username like "LabbehCrys" for two years T-T

And I'm starting to realise that HOLY CRAP - I'VE IMPROVED A HELLA LOT! I still remember my crappy MSPaint days :D; I wish I had some of my OLD OLD OLD pictures to show off and be all "LAWL THIS IS HOW I USED TO DRAW SEE HOW MUCH I SUCKKKK" because seriously man, I remember when like my pictures lacked eyebrows and ears and mouths and fingers and an actual body. My "humans" were slime blobs xD You never would've thought I'd improve this much ;o But I'm getting that comment, "OMFG YOU'VE IMPROVED SO MUUUUUUCH!!!!" a lot lately, it makes me feel pretty awesome :3

anyway, there's my update :D

Lucky Number Eight

2006-08-16T09:58:23Z

You'd think that dating eight guys would get to you... But honestly, this one guy is starting to feel the best, out of all eight. ♥

I know I haven't updated for a while but just give me a while to write. I really feel like blogging. I promise one day I'll write an entry when I'm not half dead, I swear.

Yes, at almost 3 AM in the effing morning. sigh.

But James and I have only been dating for two months and yet it feels like a freakin' half a year at least @_@ It's scary.

We're so devoted to each other it makes me wonder what the future holds...

Within two months we've gone through so much crap, we've gone to so many places and there have been so many times where he holds me and I'm just like... "God, stop the world, I'm not ready to move on"... The moments are perfect and the feeling is bliss.

Being inlove with this guy is just so crazy sometimes!! I love him so much it probably drives everyone nuts. While we were hiking today I held back the urge to scream out

"I LOVE THIS MAN! HE'S MINE AND ONLY MINE~!!!" XD

I think I would've been waaaaaaaaay too embarrased to really do it. ^^;

The echo would've been GREAT to hear, though...

Sigh... I miss kissing up in the hills with no one watching but the helicopters and airplanes that zoom by and God sitting on a cloud thinking how silly we are while being in mutual weirdness (aka love) together.

♥

In other news, I miss my old best friend, from when I was 11 to when I was 13, before I was an idiot and dated a heartbreaker named Derek and a Brit named Alex, who I was stupid enough to let go of.

Melody, I mean. Being the one I was stupid enough to let go of.

Jordan.

Whichever you please.

I wish fixing broken relationships were as simple as a hug.

That's all.

P.S. I've written a lot more than I expected to today.

Yay

2006-06-25T02:50:08Z

I roleplay as Vexie-poo now :3

I -WILL- be Fuujin sooner or later. And Olette.

...I hope. ToT

distort_facade

(omg, three entries and I just started this journal today. ._.)

Just one of those days

2006-06-25T01:30:01Z

I got both of these thrown at me not too long after signing up so I might as well use it. ¬¬;;

How Girly Are You? Survey

Stolen from somewhere on DA
Probably from Seph
Guys take the quiz too!!!

[x] my fingernails/toenails are almost always painted
[x] during the summer the only shoes i wear are flip flops
[ ] my favorite toys as a child were barbies
[x] my favorite colour is pink or purple
[ ] I did Gymnastics
[x] I love skirts
[ ] hollister is one of my favorite places to shop
[ ] tight jeans are the only jeans i'll wear (Not true, I like guys pants sometimes o_o)
[x] I love chocolate
[x] I've never had a real job (What does this have to do with being a girl?)

TOTAL: 6

[ ] my hair is almost always straightened (Naturally straight/wavey/whatever it feels like doing)
[ ] I have at least 8 myspace pictures
[x] I usually go shopping once a week
[x] I love to hang out at the mall with friends
[ ] I have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace or earings (I have pearls... too bad.)
[ ] I've gone to a tanning salon (I DON'T WANT TO BE MICROWAVED DX)
[ ] I've gone to the beach to tan - not to swim (Too boring)
[ ] I have at least 10 pairs of shoes
[x] I watch either the OC or Laguna Beach (Happened to turn the tv on to watch.)
[ ] I change my icon weekly
[ ] I wear a shower cap

TOTAL: 3

[x] I dont shop at Hot Topic (The occasional gift doesn't quite count.)
[ ] my cell phone might as well become a part of me (pocket radiation sucks.)
[ ] I wear mascara everyday
[x] I've been or am on a diet
[x] bathing suits are adorable
[ ] I dont know the difference between a sheep and a goat.
[ ] big sunglasses are hott
[x] I have gotten my nails done before
[ ] MTV is one of my favorite channels

TOTAL: 4

[ ] all I want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys
[x] I love to have girls do my hair
[x] I give and recieve hugs from all my friends
[x] I hate bugs (kyaah)
[x] carnivals are so fun!
[x] Summer is THE best season
[x] my swimsuit has 2 pieces
[x] Im waiting for my knight in shining armor (Hi James. x3)
[x] musicians are so hot (<3)
[ ] you write me a poem and tell me im beautiful and im all yours (I'm not all that stupid o_o)

TOTAL: 8

[x] I am self-conscious
[x] I cry often
[ ] my car smells like vanilla or cherry (Don't have a car.)
[x] my dishes get washed more than once a week (Twice, every day.)
[x] I dont do sports (Well. Dancing counts, but not to me. Feels more like art.)
[x] I HATE to run
[x] I squeal when i am surprised or angry
[ ] I eat dried fruit as a snack
[x] I love romance novels
[x] Drew Barrymore is so cute

TOTAL: 8

[x] I dance a lot.
[ ] usually spend an hour or over to get ready to leave my house (30 minutes tops.)
[ ] I only have like 5 billion hair products (Nope.)
[x] I love to get dressed up.
[ ] every part of my outfit needs to match (I have my off days)
[ ] I talk on the phone at least once a day to my friends (People don't call me much ._.)
[ ] I would love to have a photo shoot
[ ] I apply lip stuff 50 times a day
[ ] I wish I were a model

TOTAL: 2

[ ] I wish I could meet Paris Hilton (... what?!)
[ ] I have been something that was semi (DOUBLE WHAT?!)
[ ] I own Uggs
[ ] Hip Hop is the best music (I like everything. ToT)
[ ] I pop my collar
[ ] I like to be the center of attention
[ ] guys with Mohawks are crazy
[x] horses are beautiful
[x] I'd rather not pay attention in school
[x] Cats are adorable (KITTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY)

TOTAL: 3

[x] I write my own music
[x] I would love to visit Hawaii
[x] Valentine's day is so cute!
[ ] white is better than black (I like both)
[x] I wouldn't be caught dead in all black (I hate wearing all of one color o_o)
[x] my closet is STOCK FULL of clothes
[x] hate the grunge look
[ ]I love to read magazines

TOTAL:6

[ ] I love to gossip (Nuh uh o_o)
[ ] I had Lisa Frank folders/posters/notebooks as a kid
[ ] I love Celine Dion
[x] my bubble baths are 1-2hrs long
[ ] My wedding only needs a groom because it's already planned (Is it wrong to say "sort of"?)
[ ] My friends and I are in a strict group. We mostly only hang out with each other.
[ ] I like little kids
[ ] Diet drinks are the best
[ ] I'm all about being vegetarian
[x] I refuse to eat at McDonalds

TOTAL: 2

[ ] I check my myspace everyday.
[x] I love life!
[x] I have a lot of jewlery!
[ ] my screen name(s) have x's in them
[ ] either one of my myspace names has/had <3's or in them
[ ] I would never want to be the opposite sex
[ ] It's not what he/she said it's the way he/she said it
[ ]I have more than 3 pillows on my bed

TOTAL: 3

Now add up all the total points and put "I am __% girly" for the subject if you steal or get tagged.

I'm... 41%

Awww, I could've sworn that Peter was at least twice as girly as I was... He got like 20 something. =w=

--

Anime I've seen~

Stolen from Lanie :3

I. Action and Adventure
(x) .hack//SIGN
( ) Airmaster
( ) Battle Arena Toshinden
(x) Bleach
( ) Blood+
( ) Burst Angel
( ) City Hunter
(x) Cowboy Bebop
(x) Dragonball
( ) Flame of Recca
(x) GetBackers
(x) Inu Yasha
(x) Lupin III
( ) Mai-HiME
(x) Naruto
(x) One Piece
( ) Tenjou Tenge
(x) TRIGUN
(x) Saiyuki
(x) Yu Yu Hakusho

Total Here: 12/20

II. Comedy and Parody
( ) 2x2 = Shinobuden
( ) Adventures of the Mini Goddesses
( ) All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Nuku Nuku
( ) Azumanga Daioh
( ) Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan
( ) Di Gi Charat
( ) Dragon Half
( ) Excel Saga
(x) Fruits Basket
( ) Galaxy Angel
( ) Here is Greenwood
( ) Kodomo no Omocha
( ) Kyou Kara Maou!
( ) Midori Days
( ) Pani Poni Dash
( ) Project A-ko
(x) Ranma 1/2
(x) Tenchi Muyo
( ) Those Who Hunt Elves
( ) Urusei Yatsura

Total Here: 3/20

III. Drama and Miscellaneous
( ) Beck
( ) Full Moon wo Sagashite
( ) Gankutsuou
( ) Genshiken
( ) Glass Mask
( ) Haibane Renmei
( ) Hitsuji no Uta
( ) Honey & Clover
( ) Kaleido Star
( ) Last Exile
( ) Le Portraite de Petite Cossette
( ) Monster
( ) Paradise Kiss
(x) Princess Mononoke
( ) Read or Die OVA
( ) Speed Grapher
( ) Twin Spica
(x) Weiss Kreuz
( ) Wings of Honneamise
( ) Yakitate!! Japan

Total Here: 2/20

IV. Ecchi/Mature
( ) Agent AIKa
( ) Cutey Honey [I WILL GET AROUND TO IT I SWEAR]
( ) Ebichu
( ) Golden Boy
( ) Grenadier
( ) Hand Maid May
( ) He Is My Master
( ) Iketeru Futari
( ) La Blue Girl
( ) Lingerie Senshi Papillon Rose
( ) Mahoromatic
( ) Mezzo Forte
( ) Miyuki-chan in Wonderland
( ) My Dear Marie
( ) Najica Blitz Tactics
(x) Negima
( ) Puni Puni Poemy
( ) Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend
( ) Wicked City
( ) Yumeria

Total Here: 1/20 (They didn't have Ichigo 100% TT___TT)

V. Fantasy and Supernatural
( ) Angel Sanctuary
( ) Aquarian Age
( ) Berserk
( ) El Hazard
( ) Final Fantasy Unlimited
(x) Fullmetal Alchemist
( ) Howl's Moving Castle
( ) Magic Knight Rayearth
( ) Mushishi
( ) Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
( ) Record of Lodoss War
( ) Scrapped Princess
(x) Slayers
( ) Tales of Eternia
( ) Trinity Blood
( ) Tsubasa Chronicle
( ) Vampire Hunter D
( ) Violinist of Hameln
( ) Vision of Escaflowne
( ) X

Total Here: 2/20

VI. Historical and Alternate History
( ) Anne of Green Gables [THERE'S AN ANIME ON THIS?!]
( ) Basilisk
( ) Barefoot Gen
(x) Chrono Crusade
( ) Grave of the Fireflies
( ) Fire Tripper
( ) Kaidomaru
( ) Legend of Condor Hero
( ) Millennium Actress
( ) Nadia - Secret of Blue Water
( ) Ninja Scroll
( ) Otogizoushi
( ) Peacemaker Kurogane
( ) Porco Rosso
( ) Rose of Versailles
(x) Rurouni Kenshin
(x) Samurai 7
( ) Samurai Champloo
( ) Steel Angel Kurumi
( ) Victorian Romance Emma

Total Here: 3/20

VII. Kids and Family
( ) Angelic Layer
( ) Astro Boy
(x) Beyblade
( ) Castle in the Sky
( ) Detective Conan
(x) Digimon
(x) Doraemon
(x) Hamtaro
(x) Kiki's Delivery Service
( ) Kimba the White Lion
(x) Monster Rancher
( ) My Neighbor Totoro
(x) Pokemon
( ) Samurai Pizza Cats
( ) Sazae-san
( ) SD Gundam Force
(x) Sonic X
( ) Speed Racer
( ) Spirited Away
(x) Yu-Gi-Oh

Total Here: 9/20

VIII. Magical Girls and Boys
(x) Cardcaptor Sakura
( ) D.N. Angel
( ) Earth Girl Arjuna
( ) Erementar Gerad
( ) Hime-chan no Ribbon
( ) Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne
(x) Magic Users Club
( ) Magical Girl Pretty Sammy
( ) Magical Stage Fancy La La
( ) Mahou no Star Magical Emi
( ) Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha
( ) Mythical Detective Loki Ragnarok
( ) Ojamajou DoReMi
( ) Oku-sama wa Mahou Shoujo
( ) Pretear
(x) Sailor Moon
( ) Saint Tail
(x) Tokyo Mew Mew
( ) Ultra Maniac
( ) Wedding Peach

Total Here: 4/20

IX. Romance
(x) Ah! My Goddess
(x) Ai Yori Aoshi
( ) Air
( ) Ayashi no Ceres
( ) Boys Be
(x) Chobits
( ) Fushigi Yuugi
(x) Hana Yori Dango
(x) His and Her Circumstances
( ) Kimagure Orange Road
( ) Kimi ga Nozomu Eien
(x) Love Hina
( ) Maison Ikkoku
( ) Marmalade Boy
(x) Peach Girl
( ) Piano
( ) Please Teacher!
( ) Saikano
( ) To Heart
( ) Video Girl Ai

Total Here: 7/20 (You'd think I had watched more. xD)

X. Science-Fiction
( ) Appleseed
( ) Blue Seed
( ) Bubblegum Crisis
( ) Crest of the Stars
( ) Galaxy Express 999
( ) Gundam (any)
( ) Macross (any)
( ) Outlaw Star
( ) Patlabor
( ) Planetes
( ) Please Save My Earth
( ) RahXephon
( ) Saber Marionette (any)
( ) s-CRY-ed
( ) Soukyuu no Fafner
( ) Space Battleship Yamato
( ) Stellvia
( ) Transformers (any)
( ) Voices of a Distant Star
( ) Xenosaga: The Animation

Total Here: 0/20

XI. Shounen-Ai and Shoujo-Ai
( ) Ai no Kusabi
( ) Descendants of Darkness (Yami no Matsuei)
( ) Earthian
( ) FAKE
( ) Fish in the Trap
( ) Galaxy Fraulin Yuna
(x) Gravitation
( ) Haru wo Daiteita
( ) Kannazuki no Miko
( ) Kizuna
( ) Lesson XX
(x) Loveless
(x) Maria-sama ga Miteru
( ) Mirage of Blaze
( ) Oniisama E
( ) Seikimatsu Darling
( ) Song of the Wind in the Trees
( ) Sukisho
( ) Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito
( ) Zetsuai/Bronze

Total Here: 3/20

XII. Sports
( ) Ace wo Nerae
( ) Ashita no Joe
( ) Ayane's High Kick
( ) Baki the Grappler
( ) Battle Athletes
( ) Buzzer Beater
( ) Captain Tsubasa
(x) Eyeshield 21
( ) Ginban Kaleidoscope
( ) Hajime no Ippo
(x) Hikaru no Go
( ) Initial D
( ) Major
( ) Monkey Turn
( ) One Pound Gospel
(x) Prince of Tennis
( ) Princess Nine
( ) Slam Dunk
( ) Suzuka
( ) Wild Striker

Total Here: 3/20

XIII. Surreal and Psychological
( ) Akira
( ) Betterman
( ) Boogiepop Phantom
( ) Elfen Lied
(x) FLCL
( ) Gantz
( ) Ghost in the Shell
( ) Hellsing
( ) Jigoku Shoujo
( ) Karas
( ) Madlax
( ) Melody of Oblivion
( ) Neon Genesis Evangelion
( ) Noir
( ) Paranoia Agent
( ) Perfect Blue
( ) Princess Tutu
(x) Revolutionary Girl Utena
( ) Serial Experiments Lain
( ) Texhnolyze

Total Here: 2/20

Grand total: 51/260

Gah, figures. xD I don't watch as much anime as most people, so yeah.

gyuuu

2006-06-25T00:32:01Z

When was the last time I used LJ? >o<

+2 months?

oh well.

*feels like a noob* v_v

must find friends again :<

*scurries off*

add me kthxplz? 8D~